Memories of The School, KFI

This is a blog about my memories of the time I spent in The School KFI and the friends I made, so it will be relevant only to those who were a part of my time there. If you, dear reader, were not a part of that time in my life but still wish to read on further, you are most welcome.

It was 1983 when I left The School, having completed my 6th standard with 14 other kids (which would go on to become the batch of 1987). All my memories of this time are therefore over 32 years old, so please forgive any lapses or omissions - as you will see later in this blog, my memory isn't the greatest. You all probably remember me vaguely as a quiet, socially awkward young boy, and while I am not so young anymore, the quiet and socially awkward bits remain. It has been over 32 years since I saw or met most of you so trying to recollect the class roster I came up with the list below (in alphabetical order):

Anne
Anupama
Anuradha
Ashok
Gowri
Manu
Parag
Prasanna
Raja
Rajni
Rajnish
Shaku
Sourabh
Sunil
Venkat
Vinod

Did I miss anyone? If I did, I apologise.

I spent 5 years in KFI, starting with 1st standard in Poes Garden. Most of you may or may not know that I was originally in the batch of 1988, and through a double promotion in 1st standard, I went straight to the 3rd and joined most of you, which meant that I missed out on going through 2nd standard completely (which also might explain why I was slow in grasping certain basic concepts in the 3rd and 4th standards - more on that later). Life being the great leveller that it is, I ended up having to repeat 6th because I was found to be underage for the 7th, thus ending up back in the batch of 1988, but since I spent my formative years with this bunch, I hope I will always be considered a part of the 1987 batch.

My memories of 1st standard are pretty fuzzy - I had recently moved from Delhi to Madras, from a Hindi medium school to The School KFI, my English was sketchy, I was in a pretty alien environment, and the previous year in Harrington House (UKG) had been a blur. All I really remember of  1st standard was being asked to roll a tennis ball into a cardboard box that had a picture of a dog with its mouth cut out drawn on it. I must have been pretty good at that task since it got me a double promotion. 3rd standard was pretty much the same - new friends, new environment and a struggle to cope in new social settings. I remember taking a spelling test in class, where the teacher was trying to introduce the concept of words ending with "tion", like for example - conception, education, habitation - you get the idea. I remember this test very well because I spelled every word with "shun" instead of "tion" and got every answer wrong. I also remember a briefly mounted strike against Tamil in 3rd standard, and finally learning to tie my shoe laces.

4th Standard was the big move from Poes Garden to Adyar. I remember Malini Akka was our class teacher (right?). I remember struggling with the concept of "alphabetical order'. I remember music class with Jane Akka (right?), learning some vedic chants (which I still remember even today) and reading my first proper book (A tale of two cities - abridged for youngsters). My earliest memories of friends in class are also from this period. 5th and 6th standards were more more of the same (Kalyani Akka and Kausalya Akka - right?) - lemonade, cabbage poriyal and rose milk, raw tamarind, the banyan tree, the field where we played football, baseball and hockey, Damayant Anna and carpentry, kabaddi and slip catching with a hard cricket ball. I remember Kausalya Akka getting pretty mad at me one time - when she asked us for an example of a solid, liquid and gas to grasp the concept of the basic states of matter, I answered "fart' for gas. It did not go down too well with her.

While there are many more memories, I do not wish to put those that have braved through this cavalcade of words to sleep, so I will condense them going forward. From the classmates I left behind while moving to Hyderabad before returning to Madras later, a few relationships persisted and I hold them dear even today, but as life goes, most of the old bonds did not make it through the passage of time. It also probably did not help that I left after the 6th and could not forge stronger bonds with more of you growing up. Its not anyone's fault - c'est la vie - and one must move on, but I suppose on some level a certain regret remains. Today I type these words addressing a relative bunch of strangers whom I used to know in a different life. Unfortunately I do not know most of you today - the lives you have led, the struggles you have overcome, the achievements you have been lauded for and the success you have had - and I believe the same is true the other way around as well - most of you do not know me today. It's an interesting thought - if we did not share a part of our lives growing up and met as strangers today, would we still be friends? I would like to think that the answer would be YES, but that's just me being positive and optimistic. I hope you all feel the same way as well.

A quick shout out to everyone who made a lasting impression in my life:

Anne - you were super cool, and for some reason I was slightly intimidated by you - don't know why!!
Anupama - you were super sweet and I always remember you fondly
Anuradha - we shared a great bond - and still do - and whom I promised to sing a song for
Ashok - I remember walking and talking with you under the tamarind trees
Gowri - super sweet and a bit shy
Manu - great times in the summer cycling around Poes Garden, and many years later sharing one of my earliest beers with, and listening to "The Wall" for the first time in your car and not understanding it at all!
Parag - who knows me probably the best among you all and who introduced me to a lovely girl who went on to become my wife
Prasanna - great times spent in your home playing games etc.
Raja - still remember the orange squash at your place and the birthday parties
Rajni - you once narrated the entire story of Naseeb (Amitabh starrer) in the school bus over several days to us, and I plead the 5th on our alleged scuffle involving Parag as well
Rajnish - we shared a common affection for hindi cinema and got along very well
Shaku - always felt you were super cool, and for some reason was intimidated by you as well - guess thats a recurring theme in my life! The glue that brought this group together - a big thank you!
Venkat - great times spent at you home on Kothari Road
Vinod - great collection of comic books and beta tapes - I remember watching the A-Team series at your place. I also remember spinning some bullshit yarn before I left, which I believe deserves an apology.

That's it folks. Do pardon the rambling reminiscences of someone you used to know. So what was the point of this blog? I suppose its my way of trying to reconnect with memories of the past. As Paul Simon wrote - everything looks better in black and white - I guess my memories are more sepia tinted. Incidents that last occurred 32 years ago are hard to recollect fully, and I also blame my not-so-great memory on vast quantities of THC imbibed over many years (unlike a former US president, I did inhale), but I simply want you all to know that you were a big part of my growing years and if we have failed to maintain that bond, I accept the blame for my lack of effort. While one can easily put it down to life and the way things go, I suppose on some level the social awkwardness persists.

Whatever be the case, I thank each and every one of you - those who read this and those who did not - for being a part of my distant past and for continuing to be a part of my present and hopefully future as well. While I continue to remain a passive observer in the whatsapp group, I share the joys that you choose to share with the group, and you are never too far from my thoughts.

Best wishes to all for the new year and may your lives be filled with love, joy and blessings.

Aliens and the fringe

Another year just went by. Is it just me or is time flying by faster? As a child I remember the day stretching on and on during seemingly endless summer holidays. Now as I grow older (albeit hardly wiser), the years rush past blithely ignoring me in their wake. Is this what they meant by relativity?

While I always strive to start the year with optimism, a few recent incidents need to be addressed.

The horrific barbarity of the Peshawar attacks shocked everybody (except its perpetrators). No God, faith or religion can justify the execution of innocent children, but twisted and perverse logic did find takers in a few Godless fanatics who sought out and slaughtered defenceless children in school. We were all suitably appalled and stood up in solidarity with Pakistan. A hashtag even trended for a while on Twitter. No distinction between good and bad Taliban was the proclamation of the establishment, and in our naivety we cheered. Two days later this false hope turned into dismay as we saw alleged perpetrators of terror attacks in India being given bail by the same establishment. I don't know why it was such a big surprise for us. After all they only promised not to differentiate between good and bad Taliban, but the perpetrators of attacks against India were never a part of  the Taliban, both good and bad. The anti-India Mujahideen like LeT and JeM etc (the Hafiz Saeeds, the Masood Azhars and the Saeed Lakhvis) were clear in their anti-India agenda and not to be confused with the Taliban who had a more Afghan-centric agenda. Basically the establishment never said we will stop supporting terror against India, so then why the dismay?

The Pakistan establishment (Army and  Politicians) have no choice but to keep anti-India sentiments festering in perpetuity, if only to distract attention from the myriad smorgasbord of troubles that afflict the common man in Pakistan. Why focus on small and trivial issues like education, healthcare, housing, employment, economy, human rights, intolerance, radicalisation, women's equality, child labour etc when you can galvanize public opinion against a fictional enemy, a boogeyman that you have been conditioned to hate and blame all your ills on? In a shocking and highly irresponsible act, while the Tehrik-i-Taliban Pakistan (TTP) was shouting out from the rooftops claiming responsibility for the attack, a section of the local Urdu press in Pakistan carried articles blaming India for the massacre.

Fortunately, there is a section of the public in Pakistan who are as sickened by this endless cycle of violence as the rest of the world and abhor terror in all forms. This section of Pakistan civil society finds a voice on Twitter and other social media platforms, but is under constant fear of persecution from the lunatic fringe. One can only hope and pray that this section of Pakistan society finds its voice and is able to rise and challenge the establishment. At the end of the day, people are the same. We all want the same things, we react the same way to similiar situations, aspire to the same things in life. There is little difference between the people of our two nations, in fact someone from Punjab will have more in common with someone from Karachi than someone from Kerala. The distance between Amritsar and Lahore is just 30 km. When did the distance between our hearts grow so much? When will we learn to rage against the lunatic fringe - in both our countries?

Back home our very own home grown version of the lunatic fringe was creating headlines. The Ghar Wapsi program created unnecessary controversy till the RSS had to finally step in and tone down the rhetoric. The entire business of conversion and the anti-conversion law makes a mockery of our social systems and the basic freedom of choice we all enjoy in our country. While our Hindu groups supposedly fight to reclaim and bring back into the fold those they feel have strayed, the reaction from our psuedo-secularists and the Church is in no way any less hypocritical. First - who made these Hindu groups the guardians of our faith and why does our faith need protection? Why cannot an individual's choice of religion remain a private matter between him/her and his/her God/Godess? What gives any external organisation the right to infringe on this basic human right of individual choice and free will? Forced or induced conversion is blatantly wrong and I dont think anyone sane will argue against it, but why must it become a political agenda? Dont we have enough to worry about? Secondly - the Church protesting against our Hindu groups is hypocrisy at its laughable best. Wasn't it a former Pope who, at the turn of the century, proclaimed that Asia was the final frontier in the harvesting of souls? If that isn't a nod towards conversion then what is? How about the statue of Mother Mary and Infant Jesus garbed in a tribal's attire, to make the idol more familiar and accessible to illiterate and uneducated tribes of India? Let us not get into the pot calling the kettle black, instead let the pot call the kettle a kettle. Hypocrisy on both sides is self-defeating and ultimately only leads to anger stemming from ignorance. Let religion remain a matter of faith.

Unfortunately, our home-grown fringe, not satisfied with stirring the conversion debate, decided to agitate against a hindi film, PK. "Hurting Hindu sentiments" was a popular refrain, "muslim actor" was another. The argument seems so futile, but since I have committed to it, I must persist and make a few points. Please remember it is simply a film made for entertainment purposes. It has been duly certified by the relevant authorities and approved for release and public screening. If you have a problem with its content, take it up with the relevant authorities. If you disagree with its message, don't watch it and don't recommend it to others. If you dislike it from an artistic viewpoint, feel free to pan it and pour scorn and ridicule on it. Unfortunately nothing gives you the right to vandalise private and public property if you disagree with someone's artistic expression. What is this "Hindu Sentiment" that is so sensitive that it gets hurt so easily? If it has survived centuries of persecution and thrived in the face of insurmountable odds, I am sure it can survive a mere film. Blaming the actor for the film is another excercise in futility. He is simply portraying a character - that is his job. Why not blame the writer, or producer or director? Unfortunately they are all Hindus, much loved and appreciated, so it is tough to sensationalise and besmirch their good names.

We are a tiny speck in this vast universe, and if we believe that God has created the entire universe,  it is really very simple logic. If God has created us, he has also created every diversity on the face of the known universe. It is us, mere mortals, who have conceived him in our own image. If God had to create us in His image, it could only be a facet of Himself, since everything is created from Him. To me, God is shapeless, formless, sexless, timeless and utterly incomprehensible. He is the beginning and the end. He is everything,everything comes from Him and everything must return to Him. He is time and space. He is the alphabet, the words. the text and the subtext. He is matter and anti-matter. He is the prayer, the hymn, the incantation and the aazaan. He is a million billion trillion parts and He is One. We view him as we wish, as prescribed by organised religion, simply so that our feeble minds can grasp an understandable concept. We visualise him in a manner that we can comprehend, and accept the rest on faith. Surely we can rest assured that if he has created everything, He certainly does not need us to protect Him. Funnily enough, this is a sentiment expressed in the film as well, and is the subject of protest by the very same elements the film terms "wrong number". The lunatics who vandalise and destroy in the name of Bajrang and Ram, please realise that the deity you pretend to worship and follow would be repulsed by your actions. Sri Ram was supposed to be the ideal man, an incarnation of Vishnu, and Hanuman his most ardent devotee. By vandalising in their names, you desecrate their values and all the good they stood for.

The hypocrisy does not end there. Since PK is being trashed by fringe Hindu groups, psuedo-secularists and shameless opportunists like Akshilesh Yadav etc, in a blatant display of vote bank appeasement, declare PK a tax free film and proclaim it the best film ever. Obviously, shamelessness can descend to depths lower than one can imagine. These same upholders of secularism were the ones who banned The Satanic Verses, The Last Temptation of Christ and other works of art that offended non-hindu groups. In their thinking, it is ok to offend the majority, but the minority must be treated with kid gloves. It is this vile and despicable mindset that we have to destroy if we wish to enter an age of enlightenment.

Good Governance and Progress for All have to transcend from being mere mantras to a practical way of life for all, where the freedoms promised actually manifest themselves and not remain idealistic outpourings of poets and philosophers. This is the year to deliver on promises made. May we all live long and prosper, and remember the lessons of decency that our grandmothers taught us. Be good, do good, treat others the way you would like them to treat you, respect women and start with yourself. 

My two bits - Rage Against The Machine

Today the morning was part glorious, part muggy. The sky was a dull grey with the sun playing hide and seek between ominous clouds. Whenever the sun came out the morning lit up but for the remainder it stayed gloomy. A pretty apt reflection of this morning could be found in today's newspaper (I suspect this might be true of most days) - some doom, some gloom and a few bright spots. Like every grey cloud has a silver lining, every silver lining has a touch of grey (thanks J.Garcia).

We begin with the curious case of Irom Sharmila - the Iron Lady of Manipur. Her civil rights activism began in 2000 when she went on a hunger strike to protest against the massacre of ten civilians who were waiting at a bus stop, allegedly by the Army. Over the past fourteen years, she has continued fasting while authorities have arrested, released and rearrested her multiple times, the last incident just a few days ago. The hunger strike is a formidable weapon of civil disobedience used in the past by Mahatma Gandhi  to win our independence, and more recently (and less successfully) by Anna Hazare. It has been used as a mark of protest by almost all our current day politicians and even some film stars to protest against whatever is the bone of contention for the day. However, when Irom Sharmila goes on a hunger strike, it is branded as "attempted suicide" and she is promptly jailed and force fed through her nose. This has been going on for almost fourteen long years and it raises the question - where are all the bleeding heart liberals and custodians of the fourth estate when they are needed? Is Irom Sharmila not sexy enough to warrant coverage? Is her story not worth retelling? Is it because Manipur is tucked away in a corner of our collective conscience? Or is it just a simple case of apathy and is the media simply fatigued by a fourteen year old struggle? Do we care anymore? Here is something to try - ask three people whom you meet today if they have heard of Irom Sharmila (not to be confused with Iron Man, Sharmila Tagore or any other semantic variable).

In our neighbourhood, Pakistan continues its slow descent into anarchy, almost akin to passing through the circles in Dante's Inferno. The army continues to bully a democratically elected  government (that's a farce for another day) while soft hardliners like Imran Khan make threats they cannot carry out. His rhetoric carries pretty much the same message the Taliban gave out before they captured power in Afghanistan. We all remember how that turned out (certainly not so well for the Bamiyan Buddhas). Any attempt at resolving the Kashmir issue through a dialogue between our two nations is promptly scuttled by Pakistan's Army and the ISI, with (one suspects) some help from our side of the border as well.

Staying with international news, the ISIS continues to shock the world with its modern day barbarism, matched only by the sheer inanity of the Israel - Palestine conundrum. While the latter has no simple solution, the former's grand design to establish an Islamic Caliphate is a wonderful pipe dream (good crack methinks). Nothing captures the bizarre absurdity of the ISIS more than when a teacher blew himself up along with an entire class of students while demonstrating how to make a suicide vest! Good job - it worked!! The ISIS is now the new Enemy No.1, now that Al Qaeda is not the threat it once was, the world (read America) needs another target to keep its economy booming. War, after all, is great for business.

Coming back to domestic news, the recent pronouncements regarding bikinis in Goa by Ministers of the State are part tragic, part comic and almost entirely worthy of contempt. While Goa, along with the rest of the nation, grapples with far more serious issues, these Ministers are obsessed with bikinis on women who want to wear them of their own free will and accord. They have gone as far as recommending that certain beaches be designated as bikini zones and this attractive form of clothing be allowed only on those beaches. There is also a suggestion to charge an admission fee to access these bikini-friendly beaches. So many issues immediately spring to mind - impact on local tourism, impact on other beaches, local commerce and industry, civil liberties, freedom of choice and expression, objectification of women and most importantly - aesthetics. How many times have you visited a public beach or waterfall or lake or river and cringed as you watched middle-aged, pot-bellied Indian men strip down to their briefs and enjoy themselves without a care in the world as if they were standing in their own backyard? Apparently this is acceptable by our standards of Indian "sanskriti" but an attractive woman in a bikini is not!

Staying with the absurd, the new viral craze going around about the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge also makes one pause and wonder. While the cause is genuine and definitely needs both public attention and charity, wouldn't it be easier to simply donate the money and use the water for more productive purposes like bathing? Simply pouring some ice and water over your head is not enough. How many of those who have braved the ice have actually donated money? But then that is not the point of the challenge. Only those who have declined the challenge are liable to donate $100 to the ALS charity? Really? Is that the best way to raise money for a worthy cause? Its obviously a good way to send out a message and watch it go viral. What about the charity? Are we missing the woods for the trees?

Finally to sports and cricket. The debate over WAGS being allowed to accompany the team to England could not have been more ridiculous. A similar debate occurred during the recently concluded FIFA World Cup and statistics show that teams which allowed WAGS to accompany their partners all performed better than teams that did not. Do our esteemed experts seriously believe that having wives and girlfriends around can be such a major distraction for our highly skilled and well-trained cricketers? Can a lack of form be attributed to having a partner around? Does anyone seriously believe that our cricketers have such low levels of concentration and self-restraint that their on-field performance gets impacted by their off-field activities? Even more absurd is the assertion by a former manager of the Indian cricket team that while it is alright for wives to accompany their partners, girlfriends should not be allowed. Seriously? Will we ever grow up?

That's it for now - my two bits for the day. I will continue to Rage Against The Machine. Thank you for staying with me so far and giving life to these mute words on a screen. Without you they would be lifeless. You, the reader, have given them life by simply reading them - so Thank You. Until next time.

Time for a reality check

And so the results are out. India has spoken and NaMo is in the PMO. While the results were unexpected in their sheer magnitude and significance, what is not surprising is the aftermath and fallout. In accepting responsibility for reducing the INC to its lowest tally in parliment, SoGa and RaGa both offered to resign. In a shocking surprise, the resignation was turned down by the party as they felt they would not be able to survive without the first family of Indian politics leading them. After presiding over the decline of the INC's political fortune and gradually eroding all its credibility with voters, the Gandhi's are still apparently indispensable, underlining the moral bankruptcy and sycophantic culture so deeply embedded in the INC. Their lack of vision and complete disconnect with the nation's sentiment was brutally highlighted during their brief televised statement on result day, with RaGa smiling like a complete dolt and SoGa displaying a distinct lack of grace in wishing the incoming government. She could not resist taking a parting potshot by saying that "I hope that the incoming government will not compromise with the interests of society". One really needs to question if that was the best time to be insinuating that the incoming government does not have society's best interest at heart. After all, the nation has delivered its verdict, how about respecting it for at least a day and accepting your reality gracefully? 

This lack of grace was unfortunately a theme subscribed to and displayed by several other parties and players. Laloo Yadav refused to congratulate NaMo. Sanjay Jha refused to accept that the INC had lost due to misgovernance and voter apathy, instead blaming their inability to communicate with voters on their achievements. Ajay Maken tried shifting the entire blame on Dentsu, the Japanese PR firm the INC had hired for a campaign costing Rs.600 crore. Kamal Nath and Praful Patel pinned the blame on Dr. Manmohan Singh, conveniently shifting the blame from the party to the government. AAP and ArKe went as far as to suggest they stood for elections not to win but to make their presence felt – this after promising to win and usher in a corruption-free India. The Left (or what is left of it) tried to raise the secular bogey yet again, warning the country of impending doom. When did respecting the wishes of a majority become communal while pandering to minorities become secular? This lack of grace, like a disease, was widespread and contagious.

After facing electoral reverses, ArKe has now expressed regret regarding their resignation from the Delhi Government. Instead of making up their minds on what they want to do, stating a clear policy and rejoining the political fray, they simply want to sit in dharna. In fairly simple terms, if you accuse someone of being one of the most corrupt politicians in the country, that person has the right to take you to court. This is the essence of our judicial system – innocent until proven guilty. When the court asks you to post a reasonable bail bond and you refuse, the court has no option but to place you in custody. Why should the law be different for anyone, especially for someone who prides himself on being a common man, the epitome of the aam aadmi? When will my liberal friends learn that only dharnas and protests will not achieve anything until they are backed up by concrete action and judicious governance?

Along with this disconnect from reality is pettiness and vindictiveness, as demonstrated in two instances – the furore around the PMO twitter handle and the issuance of a notice to the Adani Group. In the first instance, the outgoing government decided to retire the handle @PMOIndia, the account used by the office of the Prime Minister of India to communicate with followers on Twitter, a social media platform. The handle (account) was not of Manmohan Singh or UPA or Congress, it was of the PMO, an institution and not somebody’s personal property. As an electronic asset of an institution, logically it should remain with the institution, irrespective of who is occupying that institution. Unfortunately, in an act that can only be described as petty, the outgoing PMO decided to retire the handle and archive all communication. Naturally this attracted widespread condemnation (although not a squeak from our liberal and secular leaders), and Twitter was forced to act, archiving all previous communications and reserving the verified handle for new residents of the PMO. In another desperate act in its last dying breath, the UPA government slapped a Rs.5,500 crore notice on the Adani Group through the offices of the Directorate of Revenue Intelligence, barely hours before counting was due to begin. If this is not an act of petulant vindictiveness, then what is? Irrespective of the merits of the case, the sheer timing taints it beyond redemption and opens the door to tit-for-tat witch hunts.

Surprisingly, through all this furore, the only person who has demonstrated some semblance of statesmanship has been NaMo. Perceived as autocratic (even a despot by some), he has displayed rare graciousness, going as far as to acknowledge the good work done by previous governments and thank all those who have helped him reach where he is. His critics will ascribe this to grandstanding, a façade and a carefully cultivated public image, but at least he is trying. In the minds of many he will always remain guilty – the top man should be held accountable – but like it or not, he is the Prime Minister of India, holding the highest office in the country on the back of a massive electoral mandate, where for the first time in India’s history, a single party (apart from the Congress) has achieved a majority on its own. Inspite of the hyperbole, it is a historic mandate and we owe it to the people of India to give him a fair shot with an open mind. As they say, the proof of the pudding is in the eating, and doodh ka doodh aur paani ka paani bahut jaldi ho jayega. Till then, can we display some grace and unite for a while?

WTF moments from Tamasha 2014

Elections to the 16th Lok Sabha are currently underway, and by all accounts seem to be the most bizarre, in-your-face, brazen, comical and unreal excercise in balloting our polity has ever witnessed with several WTF and LOL moments surfacing every day. Some of these moments have been genuinely cringe-worthy, some have angered us, some have brought a smile to our faces and some have simply led us to sigh in despair. While it is not possible to document each and every one of these gems from the past few weeks, I am going to attempt to list a few that have stayed with me.  In case you come across similar ones that fit the bill, dear reader, please add them to the comments section and I will update the list with appropriate credit (if and where it is due).

"Priyanka is like my daughter" - Narendra Modi, BJP

"I am Rajiv Gandhi's daughter" - Priyanka Vadra, INC

"I call her Buaji (paternal aunt)" - Akhilesh Yadav, CM of UP reffering to Mayawati, former CM of UP

"Tamil Nadu's lady is better than Gujarat's Modi" - J.Jayalalitha, CM of Tamil Nadu

"It is neither Modi nor the Lady but my Daddy" - M K Stalin, son of DMK chief M Karunanidhi

"A Muslim who does not vote for SP and talks against it is not a Muslim. His DNA test should be conducted. See whether he is from RSS" - Abu Azmi, Samajwadi Party

"Those who vote for Modi should jump in the sea" - Farooq Abdullah, National Conference

"Muslims are too secular. They should become communal" - Shazia Ilmi, AAP

"If India becomes a communal country, Kashmir will not remain its part" - Farooq Abdullah, National Conference

"He goes to Dalit's houses for honeymoon and picnic" - Baba Ramdev, spiritual leader and yoga guru on Rahul Gandhi

"BJP will not get majority....If this happens, I shall leave Karnataka and settle somewhere else" - H.D.Deve Gowda, JDS and former PM

"If it has become difficult for you to stay here...dont worry, I will extend all facilities in Gujrat for you" - Narendra Modi, BJP to Deve Gowda

"Ladke ladke hain, galati ho jaati hai (boys will be boys, mistakes happen)" - Mulayam Singh Yadav, former CM of UP reffering to rape cases

"Congress could consider extending support to the Third Front to form the Government" - Salman Khurshid, INC leader on 25 April, 2014

"Congress will not support Third Front" - Salman Khurshid, INC leader, three days later on 28 April, 2014

The circumference of a circle is 2 pi R. Ab ki baar Modi sarkar - Author Unknown

These are just a few samples. More updates coming soon. Add your own contributions as well in the comments section.

Of Enlightenment and Entitlement

India, with its rich history and cultural diversity is undoubtedly one of the great civilizations of the world. We have survived over 5000 years (if you believe in mythology) and should continue to thrive in the forseeable future, unless the world ends in a cataclysmic armageddon with fire and brimstone, as predicted by various faiths, beliefs and cultures. So we have endured and will continue to do so and call ourselves great and be proud of our heritage and traditions and (self) perceived greatness. This greatness, however, needs to be quantified. How great are we really? How do we measure this greatness?

The greatness of a nation may be measured through various parameters, but for the sake of today’s rant, I am going to look at some very basic qualities. To start with, let us look at a basic respect for your fellow human being, traffic and the rule of law. Last week I was at the airport to pick up someone. As I entered the complex, there were two lanes for vehicles entering the premises. One led to the car park where you could leave your vehicle and wait for your flight to arrive, and the other lane was for pick ups and drops – strictly no stopping and no waiting. Like a good boy, I parked my car in the parking lot and walked over to the arrival gate. There I saw many cars parked under “No Parking” boards, simply standing and waiting for whoever they had come to receive, to exit the arrival gate. Most of these cars were expensive models – BMW’s, Audi’s and Mercedes Benz’s. It’s not like the owners of these cars could not afford to pay for parking. It simply seemed to me a blatant disregard of the rules. Perhaps these people consider themselves above the law. Perhaps driving a fancy car gives these people a sense of entitlement. Perhaps they feel that any cop foolish enough to ask them to move deserves a bollocking – after all, don’t they know better? Don’t they know who I am? How dare they? So while I followed the rules and parked my car in the right place under the blazing sun and paid Rs. 130 for the privilege, the people disregarding the rules were able to park in the shade and avoid paying the parking fees completely.

This is not simply about parking at the airport, but an indicator of a far deeper malaise that ails our nation and our people. You can see it at any traffic signal in any Indian city. People cut lanes, cross the STOP line, enter the yellow box at the intersection and even jump the signal with an impunity so blatant, it has almost become the norm. Meanwhile, the poor sod who is following lane discipline invariably ends up being stuck at the traffic signal while other vehicles merrily zoom past. This only strengthens the belief that if you follow the rules you will not get ahead, and if you want to get ahead just disregard the rules. This is the perfect recipe for anarchy. You can see it everyday on the streets – intersections completely clogged and traffic  gridlocked  simply because vehicles have crossed the STOP line, entered the yellow box and are now impeding oncoming traffic. Road rage is on the rise. Vehicles cut across lanes, driving invariably at a tangent, never straight. Getting ahead is not enough, but getting ahead of the other guy is of paramount importance. After all, my need is greater than his – always. Finding a car without a dent or a scratch is next to impossible, simply because we want to squeeze through the tiniest of gaps, just to get two feet ahead of the other guy. Speeding and wrongful overtaking is yesterday’s news. Honking has become the latest epidemic. Sometimes it seems like the driver is honking to either kill boredom or just trying to keep beat with the latest bollywood chartbuster playing on the radio. And the less said about most call taxi operators, the better. Even women, generally considered safer drivers than men are no longer immune to this disease. In their fight for equal rights, women have lowered their driving skills to compete with men in terms of rashness and lack of basic driving etiquette.

This begs the question – why this blatant disregard for traffic rules? What do we hope to achieve by flaunting established norms for safety and discipline on our roads? It is this attitude that reflects our lack of respect for the rules that keep our society civilized and respect for our fellow human beings. As long as we continue to disrespect each other like this, can we ever hope of achieving greatness as a society and as a nation? Instead of living in the land of enlightenment, we seem to be living in the land of entitlement. Mera Bharat Mahaan…..kab banega?

Tamasha 2014

Welcome. Welcome. Come One, Come All. Aapka Swaagat Hai. Welcome to the largest exercise in democracy anywhere in the world. Welcome to India's General Elections to constitute the 16th Lok Sabha, where elected representatives of the people will rule and govern and decide our fates for the next five years. We promise you entertainment galore. This upcoming attraction has everything you can ask for. It has action, drama, romance, glamour and heaps of side-splitting comedy, all the necessary ingredients to make a sure shot masala potboiler super hit smash winner at the box office. Everyone get aboard the bandwagon, its going to be a thrilling ride, absolute edge of the seat excitement and surely not short of hyperbole.

The cast boasts of several familiar faces and characters. In the center we have the incumbent led by RaGa, the beacon of hope for youth and women empowerment. On the right, we have the challenger led by NaMo, the messiah of growth and development. On the left we have a fairly muddled mix of aspirants who come together every five years or so. And descending from the heavens, we have the freshly sprouted Mango People led by ArKe, a white knight tilting at the windmills of corruption.

RaGa was once considered the face of India's future. The brave young leader who would seize the moment, shake up the establishment, break hierarchies and usher in a new tomorrow. The tomorrow  that never came. Instead of a new dawn, he is still floundering in the twilight zone, unable to break away from the past, unable to disassociate himself from baggage accumulated over decades of nepotism and caught in a quagmire of ineptness, inefficiency and incompetence.

For all his bluster, NaMo is still unable to wash away the dark stains of his past. A clean chit from the Supreme Court and widespread endorsement from Industry have not yet managed to disperse the stormy cloud of 2002 that continues to shroud his aura in reddish black hues. Guilt by culpability through accountability (or lack of it) is a hard tag to shirk. Did he know? Did he order it? Did he stand by and do nothing? Did he try and stop it? The questions remain as NaMo begins to resemble Nero.

There is a running punchline in Indian Politics. It is called the 3rd front. This front rises every 5 years or so, and fades away just as suddenly. Its constituents come from all over the country, regional players with limited national presence, ready at the drop of a hat to break rank and support who ever wins at the center, in order to secure largesses for their own states and cabinet positions for their senior leaders. This 3rd front only achieves any sort of significance when the two major national parties are unable to achieve a majority on their own, opening the door to politics of adjustment and accommodation.

The latest entrant on this stage is the (self-proclaimed) only non-corrupt politician in the country, the leader of the mango people, the knight in white (with muffler), ArKe. His philosophy is simple - if you support me, you are clean, if you don't, you are corrupt. No grey area here. Its all very black and white. If you oppose me you are corrupt and that's all there is to say. Forget the misdeeds of my own people. Don't focus on my lack of experience or reluctance to govern. I alone can challenge the establishment and have it quaking from its very foundation. I echo what Dubya said - either you are with us or against us. My Guru has abandoned me (while himself sinking into irrelevance), but I still consider him my Guru, even if he does not want anything to do with me. After all, I am the last white knight of the realm, at least in my own head, and it is my duty to fight everyone else.

Now that we have met the major players, let us turn our attention to the landscape. Elections in India have been described as the single largest exercise in democracy anywhere in the world. The largest number of eligible voters. The largest number of polling booths. An exercise so large it has to be staggered over six weeks, from casting ballots to counting them and declaring a winner. The only parameter where we come in second is the official amount of money spent on these elections, where we are apparently behind the United States Presidential Elections. However, since this is a comparison of "official" figures, I have my doubts on their authenticity. It is more likely that if we were to consider the "unofficial" money or black money spent, we may come ahead in this category too, however unfortunate this may seem. We are the Champions my friend.

One of the outcomes of the RTI act and various PIL's filed by NGO's and other concerned organisations and citizens is that every candidate has to submit an affidavit along with his or her nomination papers when standing for elections. This affidavit should list all assets owned by the candidate and must be placed in the public domain for scrutiny. This has brought to light several interesting nuggets of knowledge. For instance, did you know that A.Raja (prime accused in the 2G scam) has assets worth a paltry 2 something crores? How shameful is that? In another case, the leader of India's oldest party and heir to wealth accumulated by 3 Prime Ministers over 60 years does not even own a car. How unbelievably heart-breaking is that. There are many more such cases worth a mention, but you get the general drift of absurdity that accompanies these declarations.

Some things will definitely happen over the course of these elections. The standard of political discourse, already at abysmal levels, will sink even further. Booth capturing and EVM tampering cases will happen as goondas wield their lathis with political and police protection guaranteed. Many voters will be turned away from the polling booth as their names will be missing from the voter list, inspite of having all relevant proofs like Voter ID, Aadhar card, ration card etc. Many dearly departed souls will have votes cast in their names even though they may be dead, since their names will still be on the voter list. Many voters will simply refuse to show up and cast their votes. Many will show up and discover their vote has already been cast. Some may choose the NOTA option (none of the above - a new option being introduced for the first time), and still find their least favourite candidate being elected. And at the end of this exercise, we will discover who the guardians of our nation for the next five years will be. Whether we like it or not.

A leading newspaper has dubbed these elections as the Dance of Democracy. I wonder which dance form are they refering to? It sometimes seems to me more of a farce than a dance, a Tamasha in its truest form, and rightly so. After all, Tamasha is a truly Indian art form, deeply rooted in our culture and ethos, passed down from generations, carrying with it the fragrance of our soil. The innate Indianess of Tamasha is something only an Indian can truly appreciate.

So while we sit back and enjoy the spectacle that is about to unfold, what can we do? The aim of this blog is not to discourage you, the reader, from being involved in this process, this dance. Rather than getting discouraged, we need to understand the relevance and importance of elections in a democracy. In spite of all the obstacles, potholes and barriers, it is still the one true inalienable right we, the citizens of this country enjoy (is it a constitutional right? don't know - need to check). In spite of all its problems, this country is ours and ours alone, and if we do not bring about a change, then who will? How long will we keep passing the buck and expecting the next generation to  set things right?

The time is ours, the time is now. Go and cast your vote. Play your part in the larger scheme of things. Encourage your friends and family to vote as well. Vote for who ever you feel is the best candidate in your area and for the nation. Vote any which way you wish. If you are not satisfied with any of the candidates, press the NOTA button, but make it a point to cast your ballot. Let the world see what happens when a nation of over a billion people rises. It's time to Dance.